My White Mouth

6/17/20

If I’m too quiet,

It’s because I’ve been told to

Wait, listen, and let my black colleague speak

About her hurt and rage.

If I’m still too quiet

It’s because I don’t yet know what to say

Or how to say it.

I’m deeply sorry.

I’m learning.

Please be patient with me.

If I’m too loud

It’s because I’m practicing

A new way of speaking

And being

In a new colorful world.

If I use the wrong words

It’s because I have used

The wrong words for so long

That they still are there

On my tongue

While I practice washing

My mouth out with soap.

I stand here now

Too loud

Too silent

With a mouth filled with suds

And a heart filled with

Sorrow

And regret

And willingness

To change.

Please forgive me while I continue to try.

My White Mouth II

Kathy Johnson

June 17, 2020

In my twenties

I spoke about my diet and ability to lose weight

With a friend who

Had been losing the same battle.

I hurt her feelings

And 40 years later am still sorry.

The lesson is to be kind

With every word I speak.

A few weeks ago

I spoke about my privilege

With a group including some black acquaintances

And I hurt their feelings

And I am still sorry.

I am still learning.