What is Your Coronavirus?

My question for the day of me, is what is my coronavirus? What keeps me isolated, in my home, not showing my face in public, what keeps me from having fun, going the extra mile, being all I can be,

Not Showing Up?

Today, I looked squarely in the face of some problems, like not being motivated to finish my homework, like engaging way too much with the news, like looking at the Dow Jones three times, like not communicating with my peeps about the 4:00 gathering, until 3:15. I realized I was looking into the face of depression.

Be kind to myself, I told myself . Look at it, identify and feel it, and don’t push too hard against it. I didn’t, I was then able to get up and accomplish a few things, and then did a call with a coach. She told me the key to unlocking my success of being absolutely everything I can possibly be is to lose my fear.

She wasn’t the first to tell me that. I have worked on my fear for years.

So, what is my coronavirus? It is fear of rejection. It causes me to take spiritual calls in the car, to hide in my room when I talk to my mentor or my dean, to hide my spiritual side. When I talked to my husband about it, I learned I had nothing to fear. He just doesn’t like the music through the computer.

My coronavirus is the fear of something that is going to happen anyway. I have felt a degree of rejection all my life, and probably, so have you. For me, it has stopped me.

The symptoms of this disease are: not showing up, holding back the best me.

The treatment is isolation and retreat. Time to look squarely at myself, not judging it as good or bad, but just as it is. Fear.

The antidote is authenticity. Just being me and knowing that I am not supposed to be liked by everyone, not even you. Or maybe that some people may not like some aspects of me. Authenticity is instead, being me all of the time, not the safe inauthentic me. Me. The capital S Self.

So, for the next 4 days I am on retreat. I am staying away from those things that are not my best me – like news and politics and Facebook – and replacing them with authentic practices – meditation, writing, painting, walks, and just plain listening.

My hope is that I emerge healed from this coronavirus. This disease is not all bad. It is part of the lifelong spiritual journey that can result in deep healing.

What is your coronavirus?